THE ART OF DOING NOTHING

How to Look Busy Without Actually Doing Anything

Let’s be honest: sometimes we lose our attention in class, and just don't want to do anything. Productivity is overrated and personally who would rather work than procrastinate? Luckily, I’ve mastered the ancient art of “fake productivity,” and today, dear reader, I’m passing down the secrets. 

Step 1: The Serious Face.

Nothing screams “I’m working” more than a concentrated frown. Stare at your screen, squint a little, maybe even tilt your head like you’re solving the mysteries of the universe. In reality, you might just be scrolling through cat memes (CAT MEMES SUPREMEEE) -but no one needs to know that. If anyone asks, sigh dramatically and say ‘Dang, this is hard.’ Boom. Instant credibility.

Step 2: The Keyboard pauses. (Highly important)

Workplaces and classrooms worship the sound of rapid typing. Even if you’re writing absolute nonsense, the clackiness of the keyboard convinces everyone that you’re producing a masterpiece. Pro tip: open a Word document, smash the keys like you're hitting your sibling, pause, sigh, then hit backspace just as frantically. Maybe even look up, stare at the far distance like you saw the author's long lost water bottle and go back to your youtube shorts. 

Step 3: The Shuffle Technique.

Pick your pen, spin it around, and place it back down. Repeat three times an hour. BUT DO NOT OVERDO IT. Shuffling around too much can raise suspicion that you are up to no good. Also maybe add a bit of moving books, papers. No one knows what’s in those papers (you don’t either), but the ritual gives the illusion of organization. Bonus points if you sigh while doing it-it makes you look like you’re drowning in responsibility.

Step 4: Strategic Technology Abuse.

Keep a tab of something boring (Excel, Google Docs, a physics simulation) (The author uses ‘Full moon dates of 2025’) open at all times. That way, if your teacher, boss, or nosy seatmate peeks over your shoulder, you can slam Alt+Tab faster than lightning. Suddenly, you’re definitely not watching YouTube; you’re “writing an essay of maths and debate.” Respect earned.

Step 5: No name technique.

In school, walking around is the ultimate distraction from the fact that you’ve done absolutely zero work. All you need is an excuse: “Miss, can I borrow a ruler?” “I need to sharpen my pencil.” “I think I dropped my will to live under that desk.” (Hah, first hand experience, but don't actually say that) It doesn’t matter what you’re carrying-a notebook, a single scrap of paper, or your water bottle-if you look rushed enough, everyone will assume you’re a hardworking scholar on a Very Important Mission. Meanwhile, you’re really just stalling because you forgot question three existed.

Conclusion:

And there you have it-the official guide to surviving school without actually doing much of anything. Because let’s be honest: teachers don’t care if you finish your work, they care if you look like you’re trying. Boom. Straight-A vibes with straight-E effort. You're welcome, no need for thanks.