The Group Project...

Let’s get one thing straight: group projects were not invented to “build collaboration skills.” When teachers randomly shove you into groups, saying ‘You need to socialize,’ it's easy to instantly know that the teacher hates you. Don't get me wrong, they were invented by teachers who didn't get paid enough and wanted some drama to spice up ( SPICE GIRLS MENTIONED?!?!) their non-existent careers.

So presenting the cast of every group project ever:

1. The Overachiever. This person does 95% of the work, color-codes the slides, and mutters “it’s fine, I’ll do it” with tears in their eyes of over committing . Without them, the group would fail. With them, the group still fails- just more … fancier.

2. The Ghost. No one has seen this kid since the project was assigned. In fact no one has ever seen this kid at all. Rumor has it they exist, but all evidence points to a missing person’s case or the author’s long lost water bottle. They’ll magically reappear on presentation day and say, “What’s my part again?”

3. The Talker-Who-Does-Nothing. Their mouth is moving nonstop, but their Google Doc section is emptier than the author's house. They offer “great ideas” but never actually touch the work. Basically, they’re the project’s motivational support speaker: “Guys, let’s get an A*!”- while contributing a solid zero. (Self exposed)

4. You. Stuck in the middle, half-trying, half-crying, half- dying, wondering why this is happening to you. You didn’t sign up for this war. You just wanted to pass quietly, but instead, you’ve been dragged into this trench warfare.

The Process

Step one: Assign roles. The Overachiever volunteers for everything. The Talker-Who-Does-Nothing suggests “we should meet up” but cancels every time. The Ghost? Silence, still cosplaying the author long lost grades.

Step two: You had a good six hours to work on it, but as usual you have to live up to the name ‘procasinator’. At the last five minutes, realize you are actually very ……… as  the deadline is closer than the ground and that's not much considering your height. (Ooo self burn). But hey it's never too late to jump off the bridge! ( For legal reasons the previous statement is a JOKE.) Suddenly, you’re all typing furiously at midnight while secretly hoping the Wi-Fi dies so you can blame fate.

Step three: Presentation day. The Ghost is back, camouflaging with the wall. The Talker-Who-Does-Nothing forgets their line. You stand there quietly questioning your existence , while the Overachiever carries the entire group like Atlas holding the Earth.

The AftermathThe teacher smiles and says, “See? That was teamwork!” Meanwhile, your trust in humanity has crumbled. After staring at the teacher wondering how that prehistoric dinosaur is still alive, and you swear never to do the presentation again knowing fully well it would be broken by the next week. Group projects don’t teach cooperation- they teach betrayal, disappointment, and how to fake-smile at people you’d gladly launch into the void behind your closet.

So no, group projects aren’t about learning to work together. They’re about survival. And honestly? I deserve extra credit just for not dropkicking my entire group.