Why I Hate Valentine's Day (And You Should Too)
By Shay
Are you depressed this Valentine’s Day?
Do you spend February 14th in bed indulging in terrible rom-coms and marinating in half-melted Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, wondering how fast you’ll die alone?
Do you spend half your yearly salary on an oversized, anaemic-looking teddy bear, a cringy card and allergy-inducing roses?
Do you fear some strange winged baby in diapers following you around and shooting you with sharp arrows?
Well, fear not...because Valentine’s day is all a scam anyway!
Ever heard of the saying love doesn’t cost a thing? Turns out that was a big, fat lie. What love does cost you is $131 US each Valentine’s day, a number which is only expected to rise over the next couple years. And that comes to a grand total of 17.6 billion dollars for all Americans combined (more than the GDP of some countries).
Even so, surely the beautiful old legend will convince you; St Valentine, who was martyred on the 14th of February for daring to love…Ha-ha, nope.
The real Valentine (and there were plenty of them - apparently the name Valentine was top of the ancient Roman pops) either died in Africa in the third century or was a preachy priest whose sole mission in life was to lead people to the light of Jesus. The closest either of them could have gotten to some semblance of romance was carrying out marriage ceremonies...and for other people at that!
Breaking news: Valentine’s day is a purely commercial holiday.
Who really benefits from Valentine’s day? It’s surely not you, what with all the bone-crushing anxiety of living up to the expectations of your partner or, alternatively, the bone-crushing anxiety of having a partner in the first place. Nope, it’s definitely going to be the chocolate companies or the florists who charge ridiculous markups on their roses ($125 for twelve roses, really? Just send your Valentine a bouquet of fried chicken instead) or Kleenex who make millions out of your oh-i’m-single-and-depressed-tears.
And if you’re still not convinced, here’s a bonus reason: For the 0.0001% of the population already in a relationship, did you know that you can celebrate the sentiments and observances of the holiday on any of the other 364 days of the year?
Are you depressed this Valentine’s Day?
Do you spend February 14th in bed indulging in terrible rom-coms and marinating in half-melted Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, wondering how fast you’ll die alone?
Do you spend half your yearly salary on an oversized, anaemic-looking teddy bear, a cringy card and allergy-inducing roses?
Do you fear some strange winged baby in diapers following you around and shooting you with sharp arrows?
Well, fear not...because Valentine’s day is all a scam anyway!
Ever heard of the saying love doesn’t cost a thing? Turns out that was a big, fat lie. What love does cost you is $131 US each Valentine’s day, a number which is only expected to rise over the next couple years. And that comes to a grand total of 17.6 billion dollars for all Americans combined (more than the GDP of some countries).
Even so, surely the beautiful old legend will convince you; St Valentine, who was martyred on the 14th of February for daring to love…Ha-ha, nope.
The real Valentine (and there were plenty of them - apparently the name Valentine was top of the ancient Roman pops) either died in Africa in the third century or was a preachy priest whose sole mission in life was to lead people to the light of Jesus. The closest either of them could have gotten to some semblance of romance was carrying out marriage ceremonies...and for other people at that!
Breaking news: Valentine’s day is a purely commercial holiday.
Who really benefits from Valentine’s day? It’s surely not you, what with all the bone-crushing anxiety of living up to the expectations of your partner or, alternatively, the bone-crushing anxiety of having a partner in the first place. Nope, it’s definitely going to be the chocolate companies or the florists who charge ridiculous markups on their roses ($125 for twelve roses, really? Just send your Valentine a bouquet of fried chicken instead) or Kleenex who make millions out of your oh-i’m-single-and-depressed-tears.
And if you’re still not convinced, here’s a bonus reason: For the 0.0001% of the population already in a relationship, did you know that you can celebrate the sentiments and observances of the holiday on any of the other 364 days of the year?